Shocken Stuff

 

LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WHEN MADDOGTED STARTED READING THE NEWS WITHOUT HIS BEER GOGGLES

Turkey talk about the Chicken and the Egg

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Howye fokes!  How is  things?  Browsen thru me Tedasaurus - the ancient book of Teds what I inherited from me wordy fourbears - I came across a very interesten account on Young Ted the Scientist what is renound fer finally solven the mind bogglen riddle of the chicken and the egg.

Ya see, he lived back duren the Age of the Enlightenmint when alla the grate minds of the day spent their time sitten around inventen things and discussen the Grate Questions what was befuddlen everyone at the time. And every year they held a big huge compitition ta see who had the best mind of them all.

Anyways, one year Young Ted entered his invention of  the instant camera and was laffed and jeered outta it by his peers at such a stupid idea. It’s even reported that Mona Lisa herself even nearly broke inta a smile at the absurd notion a such a thing, especially when she herd that there wasn’t even a phone attatched ta  the sed camera.

Well, after that me wordy forebear, what was by now totally bankrupt, spent his days tryen  ta regain his losses by gamblen, boozen and general carrousen.  And one day whilst returnen home, he happened upon a grate debate what was happenen in the village square.  Alla the grate minds were there goen hammer and tongs,  hell fer leather and fire and brimstone arguenen over which came first - The Chicken  or  The Egg.  And there was a big huge prize fer the person what could prove the right answer,  ta boot.

So up steps Young Ted and announces that neither  The Chicken or the Egg came first - but in fact it was a ded heat between them. Well, ya can imagine the boos, jeers and rotten tomatas what assaulted the poor little bear at maken such a totally ludacris statemint. But then didn’t the little fella produce a photysnap  showen a photy-finish from the 3.30  race at The Punchestown, where nose-ta-nose, The Chicken and The Egg finished at exactly the same pint in the race.

And as there was no arguen with that hard-nosed proof fer sure, Young Ted won the big huge prize and happily lived out the resta his days  doen what he did best - gamblen, boozen and general carrousen.  By the way, a hoss called The Lame Duck came third.

MadDogTed reviews Dan Brown's The da Vinci Code

MadDogTed haven a slurp of Da Ale

da da vinci code

wot da f n f is dat about anyways

i read it 2 times meself u gnow

but i didnt understand a f n word of it da 1st time

but den gallanted told me dat its written n a secret code

so i read it agian but dis time I read it backwards

& standen on me head 2 boot & den it made perfect sense 2 me

4 them of u wats 2 thick 2 cop on ill now tell u wot da f n f  its all about

its about a hunt 4 da holy gray ale & peeple do b murderen each

other & evrythin 4  2 find it cos they must have a fierce f n thirst

on them r sumthin like dat

anyways they end up at da last supper 4 2 find it

but theres no room at da n 4 them

cos theres already a load of men and sum1s missus there slurpen away

so they have 2 go home without getten a sup of dis magic gray ale

Of course the hole book is a total f n hoax 4 sure

cos us teddy bears gnow xactly where da holy gray ale is

n fact im guzzlen sum now as i write dis cos its been hidden deep down

n da cellers of Slashers Bar & Grill 4 donkeys years

xactly where dat dan brown fella cant get his grubby f n paws on it

b f n c n u l8r g8r

 sined   mabbogteddy x 

GallantTed speaks out on an Event that may have Shaped GOLDILOCKS

Howye fokes! How is things?  Browsen through me Tedasaurus the other day, I came across a little piece about me Fourbear, Pra da Panda, what was once the Nation’s top designer and what invented the stone-washed jean back in the last few weeks of the Stone Age.

The peasant fokes was delighted alltagather with their new trews, until the flaxen-haired daughtera the local Locks Clan [no furst name recorded] started sayen that everyone was looken fierce scruffy alltagather in the new gear. [At this pint we can only speculate that this spite was outta pure jealously cos her prehistoric arse was too big ta fit in ta them]. Well, me Fourbears was taken none of these insults fer sure, and after discoveren the resta the world fer ta subsequently invent the WWW, they looked up the Iron Age on Google, got it delivered, and then left it ta Ted the Inventer ta invent the very furst steam iron.

Ted the Onterpineer took things over from here and was in the middle of plannen the very furst laundrette when his plannen permission was blocked by a mysterious objecter, on the grounds that it might hamper the allready scanty bleach and hair dyen peroxide supplies. And next thing ya know hadn’t the local Locks Clan opened up the furst wash-house in the area. Well, in the heela the reel, the Ted population wasn’t too disappinted with their loss cos it soon transpired that this was firece sweaty work alltagather and they had loads of time ta develop the art of gamblen, boozen and general carrousen while the flaxen-haired daughtera the local Locks clan had ta spend all her days slaven away over a hot iron.

Then one day while she was nosen through the jeans pockets of one a the Marks Brothers [whether Ted or Carl is not recorded] didn’t she come across the haff finished tedifesto on slave labour and decided ta there and then down tools and refuse ta work any more until some of the Teds agreed ta help her. Unlookily fer her, didn’t she ferget ta turn off the iron and the jint burnt down ta a cinder, leaven the Locks Clan destitute fer yonks ta come.

Which just goes ta show ye fokes, ya should never strike while the iron is hot.