Friday, 13 September 2019

Friday the 13th part four - GallantTed recounts yet another true story

One Fer Sorrow 
Who pinched MadDogTed's Lucky Charms?
Friday the 13th started with that gallopen trollop Goldilocks sticken her ugly mug in front of the mirror and smashen it in ta smithereens from her sheer hidiousness. Well, that gallopen trollop Loxy, had no intention of sufferen from 7 years bad luck, and figuren the only cure was ta pass the bad luck on ta someone else, she rang Francis the Magpie and told him if he didn’t go and frighen all the luck out of MadDogTed, she’d tell the cops about the glitteren hoards that he had stashed away in his nest.

Meanwhile, MadDogTeddy, superstitious as ever, was in a fierce panic alltagather cos he couldn’t find any of his lucky charms ta get him through the day. But then, didn’t he get an anominous call tellen him that all his charms was beyont in the woods on top of the third tree ta the left. So he went on his way, hopen ta find all his lucky treasures, when what did he spot out of the corner of his eye - only Francis the Magpie. Well, the poor little fella nearly died of the fright and dropped almost half dead on the ground. 

But then luckily didn’t MadDogTed spot a second magpie hiden in the bushes. Fierce relieved alltagather, he was just about ta get up when out of nowhere this squad car rattled inta the woods, swerved ta avoid me furry little pal and rammed in ta a tree what fell on top of poor MadDogTed, knocken him out stone cold.

                                       Two Fer Joy
Anyways, in the heel of the reel it transpired that the second magpie, Fidelma, had just completed one a Goldilock’s “How ta get Yer Man” courses and on Loxy’s advice had been stalken Francis fer weeks and plaguen him with untracable anominous phone calls. Well, fer once, Francis was able ta identify the phone number that mornen and called the cops. Of course, it was Loxy’s number, not Fedilma’s, what showed up and that gallopen trollop got blamed fer the stalken and everythin and ended up getten 7 years community service looken after needy Teds.

On top of all that, when the tree fell on MadDogTed, didn’t all his missen lucky charms fall out of Francis’ nest. On hearen all this great news from his sick-bed, all me little pal could say, “Is Friday the 13th me lucky day or wot?”