FLAKE NEWS part 2

Brussels is set to BAN the 99 ice cream. Our Top Analysist,  Albear Camoo has the full story and will fill you all in as soon as he has either guzzled or hidden his stash of this iconic favourite. Brb                  

Oops, brain freeze. Brb again.

Ok, here we go... It's all to do with decimalisation, you see. 99 means nothing in the decimal system and top bureaucrats believe this number will have to be changed to 99.9.

They did consider rounding off the 99 to the '100', but realized it could be confused with the 100s & 1000s which are often sprinkled onto the ice cream.

This led to a serious discussion on size-uniformity of 100s and 1000s and it was decreed that a new directive will have to be installed to make sure that these tiny treats are all the exact same length.
It's also going to be a criminal offence to have more red, yellow or pink sprinkles than purple or green ones on your ice cream cone.

So next time you buy your favourite ice cream make sure to ask for a "Ninety point nine with evenly sized 100s and 1000s in the correct colour ratio with a huge dollop of banana sauce but only if it's blended from a non-bendy banana"

Sure the summer'd be well over by the time you'd get through that lot.

Aristotle asks Ted for advice on shaping a Fluxed-up World

• 

Ted is All Knowing

   
Howye fokes! How is things? As usual me postbag is just bursten with yer letters and queries. I'll kick off with this one from a Mr R S Tottle what reads:

Dear GallantTed, I'm busy writing a thesis on words and phrases we use that have no connection to their origins. For example, turkeys did not originate in Turkey. Other words include, dutch courage, guinea pig, german measles etc.

Ted, I'm wondering if you could cite me a few more examples for my project and perhaps get your intellectual little friend, Albear Camoo, to help you…er.. just in case your wordy self over looks a few phrases.  R S Tottle

Well, R S, ya've come ta the right place fer sure fer yer query and there's no bear more lexical than meself fer the job in paw. Unfortunatly, Albear Camoo is busy doen a spota gamblen, boozen and general carrousen at the minute so he’s avalable ta give his oponion.

But not ta worry cos I consulted me trusty Tedasauras (partly wrote by meself) and came up with a grate list alltagather of missplaced words and frases what have nothin ta do with their origions:

• Tibetan Horses
• Maine Frame                             
• Chile Willy                            
• France is Baken                         
• Thai Breaker   
• Mayo Nays 
• Frank Forth (Ted Furst)
• Czech Shirt  
• Russian Around  
• Columbo 
• Karachi Chop
• College Liberian

Hope this answers yer query.