Last Friday the 13th I awoke up ta the sun bursten through the winda and I decided that it were high time fer me ta dust down me summer gear. But as soon as I opened the wardrobe door I was furociously attacked and haff eaten alive by a hoard a starven moths. Luckily, Albear Camoo heard me screams and after a fierce fight alltagather we managed ta beat them off and hobble ta safety. We was fierce traumatized fer sure, but we bravely managed ta get inta the truck and drive ta the hospital fer ta get stitched up.
Well, there we was booten it down the road when suddenly Mr Slasher’s Auntie Maud appeared out of nowhere and started ta flag us down. Albear hit the brakes fer sure, but unluckily they failed and we ploughed straight inta the poor woman, knocken her out stone cold. So we had ta ring Mr Slasher with the terrable news and asked him fer ta come ta bring us all ta the hospital. He said he couldn’t understand what Auntie Maud was doen walken the roads cos she had just been discharged that mornen from the hospital with a clean bill of health and had told him not ta worry cos she’d arranged a lift home.
Anyways, we waited and waited fer Mr Slasher ta arrive. When he finally came we got ta shock of our lives cos his face was all swelled up and his tongue, what was the size of a turnip, was rollen all over the place in and out of his mouth. Anyways, we managed ta get the gist a what happened ta him:
- somethin ta do with that gallopen trollop, Goldilocks, snaggen her nylons on a nail stuck in one of the bar-stools,
- a ladder subsequently appearen on the said nylons,
- a bee flyen under the said ladder,
- a shot-glass suddenly fallen from nowhere on top of the said bee,
- the hysterical bee flyen inta Mr Slasher’s open gob and stingen the daylights out of him.
Luckily, all’s well what ends well and eventually we all got the medical attention we needed and arrived home, fierce quiet but feelen a biteen better in ourselves. Meself and Albear Camoo went straight ta see MadDogTed in case he was worried about where we was all day. Well, we found him still in bed fast asleep oblivious ta all the goens on. He was clutchen a note in his little paw what read:
tings 4 2 do on fri 13
1 tell gallantted 2 get sum mot spray cos i saw 1 n his room da durty buggers
2 tell albear camoo 4 2 fix his brakes cos they is not worken
3 colleck anty maud from da hostipal
4 tell mr slasher 2 remove da nail wot i put in his bar stool 4 2 test if its real oak btw its not
5 set alarm 4 2 get up early
Well, we was too weak ta batter the liven daylights out of him - even while he slept - and when he eventually woke up and found out that his alarm never went off and he’d slept through the whole day, he hugged his lucky rabbit’s foot in delight and said “Is Friday the 13th me lucky day or what!”