Free Winks for Everyone
SPONSORED BY SLASHER'S BAR (and Grill)
How is things? I've grate news alltagather fer ye this week! What with spring arriven and everythin, I've specially comissioned (outa me own pocket, mind) MadDogTed ta send ye all out some of his world renouned Salacious Winks. That's right fokes, FREE Salacious Winks from the shifty eyes of MadDogTed fer everyone.
And that's not all! Each recipiant will also receive this personally signed pome beautifully pinned by the sinsitive paws of MadDogTed himself:
roses is red vilence is blu
slayshuss winks 4 u u & u
but not u goldilox ya f n trollip ya
luv mabbogtebby X
Terms and conditions apply. FREE salacious winks can only be downloaded usen the hi-tech salacious winks modum priced at just $89.99. Furst wink only is free. All others cost $16.50 from the left eye (distempered) and $21.99 from the right (tempered). Checks payable ta GallantTed Merchandisen Inc.
Speaken of which, I just got a hart renchen email from me pal, Quasi Modum. The poor fella hasn't had much look since his belle, Ezmeralda, ran off with the campoligist with the big huge seta ding-dongs. Anyways, after years of grieven he wants me ta tell ye that he's back on the market. He's a simple enuff fella ta please, has a sound job and is a grate lissner alltagather. He's fierce easy goen too and hardly ever gets the hump. He's looken fer a lady with a very GSOH and good child-bearen hips. And a pleasant face ta boot - not fer himself mind, but fer the sake of the children.
Go on, give him a bell!